Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
