I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize