Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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