haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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