i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
