Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
