i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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