i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no, he came in my armpit
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
