i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
