I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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