i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
