i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
