She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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