what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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