i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
