i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
