Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we're making bets on your personal life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
