At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
