So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
