I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
