I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
