spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
handjob tips. give me some.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
