my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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