just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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