Nicole vs. Life
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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