I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
