I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
