So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
