your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
