i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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