By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
