Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
