Your face is a jimmy john
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
