6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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