8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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