if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
