I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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