We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
