This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
