is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
