I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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