Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize