you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
