now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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