If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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