talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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