This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
