Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
