There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
