Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
