I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's never too late to be topless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
