so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
