How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
