I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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