i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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