i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize