angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
vagina is talking i cant
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
