i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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