just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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