this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
