"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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