her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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