Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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