I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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