Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
