Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
