Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
