maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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