his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
