What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
