don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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